The Absurd, The Bad, and The Funny: WTC Final Debrief
Wrapping up the B-Sides and absurdities from The Ultimate Test.
It is only out of an abundance of respect for the sanctity of Test cricket—and certainly not because I wanted to take the weekend off and focus on the Super Rugby Semi Finals—that I have waited until the scheduled Day Six to write this WTC Final debrief.
Welcome back to Beyond Cow Corner, bringing you The Absurd, The Bad, and The Funny from The Ultimate Test.
A Collection of Pre-Match Quotes and Predictions
There is only one appropriate way to start this debrief. Allow me to share a collection of pre-match quotes and predictions, presented without comment:
“The only problem is (SA) wouldn’t beat any of the top 3 (England, India, and Australia).” — Darren Lehmann.
“[They’re the] fifth-best team in world cricket.” — Mark Waugh.
“[It’s] like making the Wimbledon final without playing a seed on the way through!’ Come on!” — Kerry O’Keeffe.
“If you look at South Africa, they’ve got to the final by beating pretty much nobody. I don’t understand the table; I don’t understand the system we have in place. They have beaten Pakistan at home and beaten Sri Lanka at home. I am not against South Africa, but the system has allowed them to get to the final, and they’ve drawn 1-1 against India at home, and they haven’t played England or Australia—I just don’t like the system." — Michael Vaughan.
Pictured: Michael Vaughan, who averaged 26.9 against South Africa, shortly after stepping down as England captain following a 2-1 home series loss to South Africa.
“When it comes to ICC events, Australia somehow elevates its game to another level as a team. They genuinely embrace the challenges of tournament cricket and thrive under the pressure of these high-stakes matches. Historically, many of their players have won multiple ICC tournaments, and they’ve grown up watching previous generations achieve the same success. That winning mentality is ingrained in them.” — Tom Moody.
“It’s about South Africa and whether they become emotional in the enormity of this contest. Our boys won’t become emotional. They’ll know how to get the job done. It’s about whether South Africa go in on too much of emotion [sic] and they blow themselves out in the first session.” — Brad Haddin.
“Look at the current cycle and South Africa have got into the final and the teams they’ve played aren’t, you know, they’ve played two Test match series against, not necessarily the strongest teams in the world, and we’ve [England] played five Test matches in India.” — Jimmy Anderson.
“If I don’t look at a scorecard and South Africa are three for spit, my TV is going through the window.”— Ian Higgins, The Grade Cricketer.
“It’s a game in the middle of the Southern Hemisphere winter. You got two Southern Hemisphere teams playing a world test championship final in the Northern Hemisphere.” — Mark Taylor.
“I can’t see Australia losing that game, unless they lose the toss and the conditions are strongly in favour towards (South Africa) … that’s probably the only way I see Australia losing the game; I think the Australian team’s just way too strong” — Moises Henriques.
“Undeserving finalists! How loophole in WTC worked in South Africa’s favour to qualify for final” — Inside Sport.
“More undeserving WTC Finalists, NZ 2021 or SA 2025?” — Quora.
“Do South Africa deserve to be in the WTC Final?” — Wisden.
“South Africa’s presence in final sums up flawed World Test Championship” — Michael Atherton in The Times.
“Obviously, they don’t care.” — Steve Waugh.
“I think Australia have an advantage with Josh Hazlewood, who has never lost a final. It is that experience. Australia look very strong in the seam department and batting as well. Australia look favourites to win this.” — Monty Panesar.
“Australia will come prepared. They’ve played a lot of cricket in England—Ashes, the last WTC Final—and that experience will count. They understand these conditions better than South Africa. Plus, they’re a champion side.” — Harbhajan Singh.
“Australia win. Australia are favourites. I think it will be an upset if they lose…they want to win this game, it’s not like we’ve been here before, we’ve won it before, we don’t really care.” — Michael Clarke.
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
Hahahahahahahahahahaha.
Hahahahah.
So, Who Were The Real Winners?
As I think we can all agree, Test Cricket was the Real Winner™ on the day, narrowly edging out South Africa, the, presumably, Fake Winners.
But, when you really drill down into it, I think we can also all agree that New Zealand are the even more Real Winners™, as the most recent team to beat the Reigning World Test Champions in a series (and 2-0, for good measure). Before that, South Africa last lost a series in January 2023. With South Africa next scheduled to play Test cricket against Zimbabwe in a couple of weeks, and then against India in November, that means that, in all likelihood, New Zealand will have been the only team to defeat the reigning World Test Champions in a Test series in at least 1,053 days, and potentially far longer.
Now, were South Africa playing their best players in that series? Don’t worry about it! Did we almost lose one of those Tests anyway? Irrelevant! How does our overall Test record against South Africa look? Bad! Nevertheless, the facts are the facts, and they sound pretty damn impressive when you put them like that, no?
Pictured: New Zealand, the Real Winners™, shortly after defeating South Africa 2-0 to claim the Tangiwai Shield in 2024.
Also the Real Winner™? The continued push for Four-Day Tests. We have now played three WTC finals, and all three have finished within the equivalent of four days (360 overs, or, at least, it would be, if we ever actually bowled 90 overs in a day). The first WTC final finished in 309 overs, the second in 338, and this match in just 262 overs. Food for thought.
On the other hand, the Real Losers? Commentators, the Commonwealth Games, and the Champions Trophy. Commentators, as they will now have to find a new cliche to lean on when South Africa play in global tournaments, with the c-word tag now seemingly banished (although, I bet the second South Africa get into a tight white ball run-chase, that tag will rear its ugly head again, and some smart alec will point out that they haven’t banished their demons in this format). Likewise, as New Zealand fans discovered when our 2000 Champions Trophy victory vanished into thin air after winning the 2021 WTC final, South Africa’s 1998 Commonwealth Games and Champions Trophy victories will now become even more insignificant than they already were.
Also Losers? The concepts of magnanimity and being a gracious winner. After the match, many Aussie fans took the opportunity to be generous in defeat and say ostensibly magnanimous things like “Well, this was bigger than the game” or “it was for the good of Test cricket” or “we win heaps, this will mean more to South Africa, they needed it more” and similar kind-but-condescending platitudes. Fuck offfffffffffffffff. It’s akin to when Shemar Joseph willed the West Indies to victory in Brisbane, when many Aussies almost seemed happy to lose and for the West Indies to win, but only because it happens so rarely. It may seem polite on the surface, but that was merely a tacit admission that Australia didn’t really care deep down about winning that game, because if they had, rest assured, the response wouldn’t have been as nice or even-handed. It took Tim Paine, of all people, to speak some sense amid all this Performative Losing: “It was awesome for the West Indies. It was not great for Australia. It wasn’t a great performance. I just don’t like it. It makes me uncomfortable. Why are you barracking against your team? That you played in?” It may be a broken clock moment, but Paine should savour it. Let me state in no uncertain terms, if (and it’s a massive if) New Zealand ever beats Australia again in a Test and an Aussie tries to pull that condescending “oh, we’re actually glad you guys won, we win plenty” shit, I would simply become so enraged and psychotic that I’d get myself institutionalised. So, Aussie fans: step up, play your roles, and act like arrogant, pantomime pricks in defeat, I beg of you.
The Biggest Losers? The Big Three (hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha). Despite now comprising four of the six WTC finalists, Big Three teams have won just one of the three tournaments. I can’t wait to see England lose to, oh, say, Sri Lanka to complete the set. It will never not be funny that these Cricketing Tyrants, insistent on killing the sport everywhere but within their precious constituencies, accidentally created a system that doesn’t favour them, all because they wanted to play each other more often. Sowing is excellent, but it turns out, reaping? Not so fun. Sucks to suck. The other nine teams all feel super bad for you guys, we swear!
A Collection of Quotes About Temba Bavuma
Picking up where we left off previously, here are some things that people have thought and said about World Test Championship-winning Captain Temba Bavuma over the years:
“De Kock, a strokeplaying left-hander as well as keeper, then replaces Temba Bavuma, who was out of his depth—so much so that he fell victim to the first stumping by an England keeper for three years.” — The Telegraph, 2015.
"I've spoken to people who are quite close to me, and they keep saying I'm not out of form and that I'm playing well. But my feeling is that you can't be playing well and not scoring runs.” — Temba Bavuma, 2017.
“Everywhere I look I read that Bavuma ‘should be one of the first players to face the ax’. ‘His average is shocking.’ ‘He’s a quota.’ ‘Only one Test century.’ Those are the common calls on social media.” — SA Cricket Mag, 2019.
“Temba Bavuma dropped, told to force his way back into Test team through ‘weight of runs’.” — Cricinfo, via Faf du Plessis, 2020.
“There is no easy answer to South Africa’s Temba Bavuma question.” — Wisden, 2022.
“Temba Bavuma's poor form is ‘the elephant in the room’ for South Africa, according to Tom Moody, after they crashed out of the Super 12 round of the T20 World Cup with a shock defeat to Netherlands.” — Cricinfo, 2022.
“Bavuma's selection amounts to sabotage. By persisting with Temba Bavuma, the Proteas selectors are willingly and consciously compromising their chances of winning a World Cup.” — SA Cricket Mag, 2022.
“Temba Bavuma: A liability for South Africa in T20Is. A leader of the national team is supposed to inspire others with his exploits, but Temba Bavuma seems to be an exception to this norm.” — Sports Cafe, 2022
“Bavuma a T20 liability for Proteas.” — SA Cricket Mag, 2022.
“‘Will delete my account if he ever scores a half-century in T20Is’ - Twitter lashes out at Temba Bavuma after another failure.” — CricTracker, 2022.
“IND vs SA: ‘Should Temba Bavuma Show Leadership And Insist On Dropping Himself?’ – Alviro Petersen Targets SA Captain After Series Defeat vs India.” — CricketAddictor, 2022.
“Temba Bavuma as a captain, as a batter, is a weakness. I would like to apologise to him as I shouldn’t be saying this to an international player, and that’s not right. Unfortunately, there’s no place for him in this side.” — Akash Chopra, 2022.
“Just amateur hour from Bavuma unfortunately … that’s not good enough at Test level. It’s alright to be out to a good ball or a good bit of fielding, but not a mistake like that. They’re not quite up to Test level at the moment.” — Mark Waugh, on a disastrous run out against Australia in 2022.
“What a selfless innings by Temba Bavuma, getting out early so that South Africa can set a high target.” — CricToday, 2022.
“Statistics prove Temba Bavuma is inferior to Shaun Pollock as a batter in World Cups.” — Sports Tak, 2023.
“Ironic that the coach allows some players who are clearly unfit and overweight to play when he started off as (sic) proteas trainer in 2009.” — Herschelle Gibbs, 2023, in response to a Tweet announcing Bavuma was available for selection.
Pictured: Herschelle Gibbs, who not only never won a world tournament for South Africa, but, famously, dropped one.
“Brainless, heartless Proteas blow it. Failures of leadership, a lack of temperament, technical and tactical ineptitude. It was the same old South African World Cup story, unfolding under the watch of an incompetent captain, Temba Bavuma.” — SA Cricket Mag, 2023.
“‘Useless Captain’ - Twitter Slams 'Unfit' Temba Bavuma As He Bags Duck In WC Semi-Final.” — CricketAddictor, 2023.
“Did South Africa captain Temba Bavuma fail to understand his responsibility in defeat to the Netherlands?” — The Indian Express, 2023.
“Why Temba Bavuma has been the biggest disappointment for the Proteas in the World Cup.” — DailyO, 2023.
“5 big names who went unsold in SA20 2025 Auction ft. Temba Bavuma.” — Sportskeeda, 2024.
“From my side as a player, it's not as if I am going out there and trying to nick balls and trying to miss straight ones. I can honestly probably say, being critical of myself, that I'm giving my best, but probably my best at this point in time is not good enough.” — Temba Bavuma, 2019.
Pictured: You’ve heard of Invictus. Now, who’s playing Temba when Hollywood gets their hands on this one? Kevin Hart and Temba Bavuma are roughly the same height, just saying…
“The 60s or 70s or I guess they're good for that moment, but in the bigger scheme of things, they don't change the outcome of the game. I've obviously been guilty of that in my Test career, and that's something that I'd really like to change, not just for myself but also for the team.” — Temba Bavuma, 2022.
This time, Bavuma’s 66 was plenty good enough and absolutely changed the outcome of the game.
Believe it or not, these are some of the kinder, more level-headed criticisms of Bavuma. The worst ones aren’t fit to be repeated. This time, his innings on one working hamstring spoke for itself. I have nothing snide to add. Well batted, Temba, sincerely. That was remarkable.
Where To Next for South Africa?
In the game's immediate aftermath, it was an excellent weekend for London speed and coke dealers alike, with the Aussies decked out in their finest T20 Vision sunnies, and K.G. Rabada on the victory prowl.
From there, though, attention inevitably turned to when the reigning World Test Champions will next play in the format. That opportunity will come in less than two weeks when the Proteas play a two-Test series in Zimbabwe, while they’re also scheduled to play two Tests in Pakistan in October. After that, SA20 team owners will get a chance to celebrate their freshly-crowned champions when South Africa tours India for two Tests in November. However, regarding home Tests, the Proteas have taken inspiration from the Springboks, who, due to COVID, didn’t play in front of home fans for 973 days after winning the 2019 Rugby World Cup. Similarly, the Proteas will go at least 636 days without playing a home Test as things currently stand, with their next home outing scheduled against Australia in October 2026. Farcical barely scratches the surface.
There were short-lived rumours earlier in the year that New Zealand would end their near-decade-long drought from South African shores and play a Test against the Proteas after each team’s respective upcoming series against Zimbabwe. In December, it was reported in NZ that: “talks continue with an unnamed opponent [strongly rumoured to be South Africa] to host two Tests which would slot in alongside a two-Test tour of Zimbabwe and T20 tri-series in July.” While those talks seemed to fizzle out, surely there’s now renewed hope and expectation to organise at least a home Test to celebrate the World Test Champions, and pronto? It’s not too late, guys, make it happen.
Then again, perhaps the delay is a good thing, giving South African cricket fans an opportunity to get their act together and figure out how to properly celebrate winning something, after all these long years. It will feel a bit foreign initially, but stick with it, I promise!
Speaking of farcical, Australia remains atop the ICC Test Rankings despite this loss, with South Africa climbing to second. Looking at other sports, both FIFA and World Rugby weigh World Cup matches significantly higher for their ranking systems in an effort to avoid this exact scenario. Just something to consider, ICC.
Ultimately, no matter what happens in the next cycle, it’s a real shame that South Africa will again be accused of having an easy draw, given that they don’t play New Zealand this time around.
Are We Allowed To Laugh At Australia, Please?
The only thing worse than a sore winner is a sore winner whose team didn’t even participate in the contest. That said, are we allowed to laugh at Australia, pretty please?
What’s that? Too late, I’m going in. There is nothing anyone can say to convince me that Australia didn’t come into this game arrogant, overconfident, and expecting to absolutely piss it in within about three days. Sure, they talked a good game about “not taking the opposition lightly” and “following their processes” and all that, but their selections said it all, packing the batting order with a 38-year-old, four number fives, and Steve Smith. “All good, boys, we’ll muddle to enough runs between you.”
The clues were there when, in the face of 150-odd years of received wisdom, George Bailey started making noise that specialist openers weren’t really that important, and actually, pretty much anyone with approximately 3lbs of English Willow in tow could do the job. "I do think it's a role that more people could do. I know there is a prevailing thought it is a specialised role.” Openers, schmopeners, right?
Pictured: An Australian selection meeting shortly before picking yet another makeshift opener.
That led to the Australian brainstrust (oxymoron alert!) convincing themselves that somehow, Marnus Labu-shane, who is averaging 28 in the last two years in Test cricket and was averaging nine from three innings in County Twos in the leadup, was the man to take on Kagiso Rabada, proud owner of the best strike rate in the history of Test cricket, with the new Dukes ball. Good luck. Behind him? Let’s plonk Cameron Green, still not fit enough to bowl and fresh off a 460-day absence from Test cricket, at number three, where he’s batted just once previously in first-class cricket, in a chase of less than 100, when Marnus dismissed him. If Australia thought they were a serious danger of losing, they wouldn’t have taken these risks in a Final.
Also, hindsight, unlike The Hundred, is 20/20, but Josh Hazlegod contributed just two wickets for the match and Nathan Lyon zero. How might Scott Boland and his 17.66 Test average have gone in one of their places? Lyon, in particular, continued his struggles against South Africa, against whom he averages 40.8 with the ball. He’s only worse against Pakistan, against whom he averages 42.1.
Finally, while nothing was amusing about Steve Smith shattering his finger, nor the endless, nauseating replays, it was undeniably funny—or at the very least, novel, and that’s basically as good—to see the slips standing so much closer than the wicket-keeper, like a bunch of under-8s who wouldn’t have the first clue how to appropriately stagger a cordon if their lives depended on it.
Almost certainly not, but we can only hope that when that catch went down, Temba had the presence of mind to chirp something like: “You’ve just dropped the WTC, mate.”
Stray Observations
At one point on the final day, as South Africa were imminently closing in on victory, Mathew Hayden opined on commentary that he “isn’t usually a big fan of no-brainer decisions.” If that’s the case, I don’t know how Big ‘Dos has ever made a decision in his life, but so be it.
I would like to assure you, that not all Australians were like "nah it's good that we lost".
I am Australian. When I went home from a gathering I was thinking very depressedly about how we were going to lose.
And still, when the winning runs were struck, I loudly screamed FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK and I'm still mad about it today.
What’s this expectation that Australians can’t be disappointed to lose? It’s right and just to be disappointed. It’s the spirit of cricket to play to win.